What is Irreverent Wellness, anyway?
Does it involve a royal rumble with people dressed as fruits and veggies? We can neither confirm nor deny.
Anyway, here it is, friends:
We're not here to magically erase your depression and anxiety. We're here to help you dance with them.
Irreverent wellness is about accepting these experiences as features, not bugs. And from that place, pattern interrupting your way back to possibility through customized music, readings, and other types of zany creations just for you.
We don't promise answers, inner peace or enlightment. Our lawyers aren't good enough for us to make those guarantees.
But we can introduce enough customized cosmic chaos into your field of awareness that everything starts to feel like a playground again. And on a playground, anything can be born.
Also: "Customized cosmic chaos?" Damn. That's some solid illiteration, if we do say so. Didn't write that one with AI either. Score!
Is Irreverent Wellness for you?
Maybe, maybe not
As you can see, we're amazing at sales.
For individuals: If you're battling depression, anxiety, a mid-life crisis, dark night of the soul, or strange rash on your butt that no amount of cortizone seems to help...first of all, sorry about the rash. That sucks.
Irreverent wellness isn't about escaping your life, giving you the answers or numbing out with goofy escapism. This is about introducing so much mischief into the story of your life that you can't help but see it differently. And from that place of openness and wonder, all kinds of crazy and beautiful things are possible.
For teams: If your crew is creatively stuck or needs a morale boost because they just laid off Rhonda from accounting (whom we all love and miss. Stay strong, Rhonda), then this is the modality to help you reframe the whole shebang.
Warning: We will dive directly into the sore spots with ridiculousness, call out the elephants in the room and have fun with all the sacred cows. And when the dust settles....well, hire a cleaning company. We don't do dusting.
Our Shenanigans
Personal Mythology Creation
Personal Mythology Creation
You're Joe from Sales. Super inspiring, right? It can be if we reframe your journey to Joe the Cold Call King from the Realm of Refusals. Your life is actually the coolest thing happening in the cosmos right now (true story, I read that on Reddit), so we will create something you can carry with you on the quest. A sigil. A song. A book. All three. All ten. You name it.
Preposterous Tarot Readings
Personal Mythology Creation
You need clarity? We got your clarity right here. But it'll probably come from cards that say, "Florida Man", "The Insufferable Aunt on Facebook" and "The Retired Swingers". All readings come with a follow-up life plan from the Council of Seven. Don't worry, they don't bite. Well, most of them don't.
Mindless Meditations
Mindless Meditations
How about a meditation JUST FOR YOU?
Was it necessary to shout that? Not really. Let us know what's weighing heavily on your chest like a greasy enchilada, and we'll create a meditation that'll be equal parts profound and profane; just what the witch doctor ordered.
Customized music
Mindless Meditations
Music gives life itself. Ask the entire Millennial generation who owe their very existence to Kenny G and Boyz II Men. As such, we will create music that gives new life to you as well. Need motivation? We'll cook up your personal anthem. Just had layoffs in your organization? We think a polka about being perp-walked out of the building is exactly what this day calls for.
Career Coaching
Yeah...we don't do career coaching. Sounds like work.
Random Joyfests
Looking for a team-building activity, bachelorette bonanza or welcome-home event for your two cousins who just got freed from the gulag? And by gulag we mean medical school. We'll design something customized, absurd, and thoroughly involving betting on the next person who walks in the room with a parlay on what color pants they're wearing.
Council of Seven Channeling
Council of Seven Channeling
Council of Seven Channeling
They hate this name, by the way, which is why it's fun to call them that. Present us any issue in your life and we'll provide a customized analysis and action plan by our motley crew of layabouts, comedians, HR managers barflies, gurus, shrinks and frogs. The advice will not be helpful and may end up with you stranded in Malawi. Keep scrolling, you'll meet them next.
Meet the team!
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Geoff Woliner, Chief Cook & Bottle Washer
Geoff is....wait, what? Why am I referring to myself in the third person? Weird. I'm the one typing this. It's me, folks.
Anyway, what's my deal? Oh, right. I've been a comedian for 20+ years, wrote seven books ranging from performance psychology to spiritual awakening, thousands of speeches for ice road truckers and celebrities alike, released three albums...but none of that can hold a candle to that smoked brisket I made last week. Want some? I'll include it in any package you purchase. Pinky swear.
Irreverent wellness kinda saved my life. Remove "kinda". Least I could do was start this madness to spread the love.
Diana Koutsiannis, Empress of Mischief
Oh, where to begin with this one?
Diana was born in the Path to Perfectia series and has been bugging me ever since with her insistence that life is a game we came here to play. Fine, Diana,. We get it. A backyard wrestling match breaking out in the middle of a state funeral would be hilarious.
I mean, that's objectively true.
Anyway, Diana is the is the embodiment of your inner child who refuses to sit still, thinks everything is play-doh to throw against the wall and makes tater tots dance with chop sticks while singing in Greek.
Gina Dimaala, SHRM-SCP, HR Terminator
If your central nervous system were a human, it came from the future and is named Gina Dimaala, SHRM-SCP.
Yes, we use her credentials every time she's mentioned because she worked hard to earn those and we better show her some respect. Gina Dimaala, SHRM-SCP exists to protect you from danger at every turn and quash all threats before they can cause dysregulation in your life.
She is a heat-seeking missile on a singular mission to snuff out any signs of fun. And I'm damn glad she's on our side.
Randy Creepersmith, Viceroy of Vitality
Found in his natural habitat of singles bars in Georgia, Randy is the living, breathing reminder of our suppressed hunger for the pleasures of life. Hungers that get willfully ignored in the great game of, "But NO, that's not evolved!"
Randy is neither polite, couth nor particularly graceful. And dang it, that's just how he digs it. He's along for the journey whether we like it or not, and whenever he shows up, it's a good bet that a can of pepper spray and some half-decent (and by half-decent, we mean monstrously terrible) life wisdom may follow.
Dr. Corey Shrinkerton, LPC, Admiral of Analysis
How do you feel when reading this bio? Dr. Shrinkerton wants to know, and he will ask repeatedly until he gets his answer. And then he will ask again lest that answer was not perfectly satisfactory. And then we'll explore the answer until we discover how we feel about the exploration.
Dr. Shrinkerton is your over-intelligent overthinking at play. The human rabbit hole of what it all means, how we got here, how we unpack it all, and how it's probably all your mother's fault. He thinks Randy's entire existence along the railing of Johnny's on ladies night is a trauma response. And he may not be wrong.
Chris
Chris is the Director of....abolutely nothing.
He's just there.
He wants for nothing and doesn't care if you do either.
Platitudo the Frog
Obviously we needed a frog that just shows up with platitudes.
Going through something that requires unpacking decades of accumulated somatic, cellular memory?
Have no fear, Platitudo is here to tell you that it's always darkest before the dawn, burp, then hop off.
Lucia Loveandlight
If you're going through a tough time, just remember, you aren't actually going through a tough time because you're loved and whole and perfect and a spiritual being having a human experience and...
<calls security to escort Randy from the retreat>
...and, what was she on about? Oh, right. This is all a big dream so you can just lean into your love of all things and not have to worry about the power company shutting off your electric next week.
Lucia is the spark of our soul that remembers our oneness with all living things. How fun. Love that for us. Buy her a coffee if you can.